Contemplating Midlife
Many years ago I read a blog post titled "The Tail End" by Tim Urban. I think about that post often and wanted to share some of what I took away from that post here. The author provides a thought provoking view of a life measured in activities or events instead of time.
For example, As I write this I am 52 years old. I love to travel the world and experience different cultures, places, food and drink, art, music and more. I try to take one international trip every other year. Let's assume that I am blessed and will live until I'm 90 years old. At 52, that means that I have, no more than, 19 more opportunities to travel the world, and that unrealistically assumes that world travel is still an option later in life. In truth, at this pace, I probably have roughly 9 to 10 more opportunities to see the world, and even fewer as a young enough man to fully enjoy the experience. Thinking about life in this way helps me determine what choices I need to make based on what I value most. For example, If I want to see more of the world, I will need to seriously consider changing my travel schedule to one international trip per year for example, instead of one every other year.
Here’s another more pointed example. I see my parent once per year. I live in Florida and they live in New York. My mother is 83. If she is blessed to live until 90, if I continue at this pace (only seeing her once per year), it means I will only see my mother 7 more times (at most) before she dies. Think about that for a moment.
When I think about my life and how I choose to spend my time, it puts a stark and very sobering perspective on life choices. For example, by many people's standards both Mrs. Maxx and I have individually achieved a level of professional success that is considered enviable by most. Having said that, there is a cost. I spend significantly more than half my time away from my family (by away, I mean in a different city or state traveling for business) and when I am in town or even with them on the weekends, I am often juggling calls, meetings that run into the evenings, etc. As for her, she travels for business even more than I do. For example, there was a 3 year stretch where she was going to Hawaii twice per month for a week at a time and on the other weeks of a given month, she was traveling to other clients. For many people their jobs or careers provide a sense of accomplishment or personal fulfillment. I'm not that guy. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I do, it just does not define me nor does it provide me with a sense of fulfillment or accomplishment. It's just a means to an end for me.
In terms of quality of life, the first thing that I want to say is that I am blessed beyond measure and I am humbled and VERY thankful for that. I'm not complaining about my 1st World problems. What I am doing however, is simply trying to make the best decisions that I can by asking THE question(s) that I feel really need to be asked… for example, we as responsible adults do what we have to do so that we can support ourselves and our families and also to create a lifestyle. The lifestyle part is the gotcha. When is enough, enough? After a certain point I think it's a fair question to ask: "Is all of this really worth it?"
I've never been one to lean towards overextending myself or living beyond my means. I've always been driven to increase my means if I wanted something more. Is that a natural thing? Having said that, one thing that I've learned about myself is that I'm much more motivated by the fear of loss than I am by the joy of possible gain. In other words. If I work hard to achieve something, it's not an easy process to get me to give it up.
So, with all of that, have I created a work/life balance monster? Maybe but I refuse to succumb to a midlife crisis. I will consider my choices and do my best to make smart decisions. I'm excited about the future.